clare's rambling...

WHEN IS THË END?

2010-03-01T16:58:00.002+08:00

When exactly is the end of our road? Have you ever asked this question? What is your answer?When we die?

I believe the end is a beginning. And the beginning is the end. What we're doing now, is tracing our foot steps back. Because we've lost something. We've lost our first love. And now we're trying to trace our foot steps back home. Back to our first love. Jesus. Back to where we belonged. At the end of each road is a new beginning. A new opportunity. So why do we give up so early? Let's not strive for a good ending. Let's strive for a better beginning. Let's strive to come home to the Lord victorious.

2010-02-25T03:12:00.001+08:00

I have to change. so demoralizing. Why am i such a failure. Why can't i perservere. Where's my stamina for things? Why do i always give up at the 11th hour... I hate myself so much sometimes.

2010-02-24T20:54:00.002+08:00

What kind of power do you hold? That can capture people's hearts with your smile. That makes people laugh at the things you say... That makes others fall helplessly in love with you?

I wanna know.
So that... I can be like that some day.

2010-02-21T11:23:00.001+08:00

Cause i am living in a material world and i am a material girl.

YELLOOO!!! I'm materialistic. there i admit it. doesn't make me get more material things like my to die for Iphone though:/ when will i be able to get it with arise and build coming up! Praying for it. For works of miracles to be done to my life:] So full of hope today. Nothing's gonna change my love for you. Every obstacle just makes me draw nearer to you and makes me rely on you more. Because a perfect God, can never fail you. He'll always be there for you. It's if you choose to open your eyes to see:]

2010-02-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

I had many new revelations these 2 days. Indeed, fellowship with people of God brings forth a bigger spiritual atmosphere. And with God, all things are possible!:]

Served choir for the first time today.. I didn't intend to go for service 2. however, before service 1 started they asked around if anyone would like to serve for service 2 as they were lacking people. I heard God speaking to me, telling me to go. What can i say? It was no regrets. Within this whole day i saw pastor kong upclose in Service 1. He arrived before service even started and he was standing behind the band. Brother Poh walked past me! He's shorter than i expected o.o Annabelle talked to the newcomers for service 2's evaluation and pastor kong said hi to us when he rushed over from service 1:] Like some case of being major starstruck to me o.o hahaha...

God has really comforted me recently. I never saw this issue as a bother, more of something that i couldn't get out of my head. But he's answered my few uncertainties with just one verse. all along, it had been stuck on my whiteboard. a tiny post-it i had long forgotten about. Yet it spoke so clearly to me suddenly.
" And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."- Galatians 6:9

that's all. i need to sleep. Love God. For his love rescued me. Today, You made me fall deeply in love with you again. And made me realise, it's never " When all else fails, i've got you.", it's " all else fails without you."

2010-02-17T18:32:00.001+08:00

GOTTA LET IT OUT. FUCKKKKK MARKETING SIAAAA. FUCK ITTT LUHHH!!!

2010-02-17T16:46:00.002+08:00

i'm constantly wondering how you're spending your holidays, what you're doing, who you're doing whatever you're doing with. when i see you i act like i didn't, and you act like you didn't to, and that's how we live our lives. but, what if it's a few years later when you go off? we'll never get to see each other again! i wish i talked to you more. although i know, we would never become the best of friends, but at least if i tried a little harder, we'd be hi-bye worthy friends,no?

i often ponder if that's how he feels too. or any of the other aquintances for that matter. do they wonder the same thing? hmmm...

2010-02-10T23:16:00.001+08:00

Baby if they asked me
I would say I don't even know ur name
And if they asked me
Does it change?
No, it don't change a thing
Cuz there's something about the way you'll love me
There's just something about the way you'll know me
That I cant explain enough
There's just something about our
future love

You got that right. there's just something about our future love:] This song's like a melody stuck in my head man.. Thank you God. For letting me on so many revelations recently.

2010-02-09T23:43:00.002+08:00

Today felt like the most fortunate day i've had in the longest time! I seriously felt so worried for my excel test just now. Especially since i was super clueless! It wasn't as bad as i expected it to be afterall! After that we got a treat from Mrs Nair for like, Macdonalds! After that went to ang mo kio to get the bag i really wanted along with Love and Mefline. I spent the whole weekend like i was in love, thinking about my bag. NOT KIDDING o.o haha.. i'm turning way to materialistic. Went far east after. bought some bangles. Followed by Summerset 313. GOSH. new look has heels my size! in limited designs but those that they had in, BEAUTIES. i tried on this black pair. It looked so great i'm actually thinking of saving up for them now. Yeap..walked around 313 and got tired. so we sat down at cold rock for ice cream.

I LOVE EATING SOUR AND FRUITY ICE CREAMS. IT MAKES YOU FEEEEEL GREAT:] seriously. better than chocolate. chocolate's just sinful and, well, FULL.hahaha..

Who says that best friends/good friends can't fall in love? Such a possibility, should never be ruled out. Just by observing my limited friend's even more limited relationships, i can speak love theories like a love guru. And i don't even have experience. haha.. i love the fact that i'm so full of rubbish. Embracing it while i can. Cause if i'm old and speaking like that, ultimate turn off already...

2010-02-07T17:20:00.002+08:00

It's exactly a week to Valentine's Day.I'm upset i didn't have time to get everyone something...

2010-02-07T12:35:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to do excel...will i ever use such complicated functions in the future? i hope not...if not i think my head will explode. I can't decide if i should cut bangs. I've been craving like mad to get the bag and the cotton on clothes.How you tell meee..howwww!!! UGH. I feel like as if it's time to freeze up my atm card in the freezer. I've been craving to spend like siao. That's it. Later go grand's house got Cotton on and Diva!!! I have a feeling i'll go buy gold ling ling long long and that skirt and top i've wanted. I'm so screwed!!!>.< OH MAN. IS THIS THE DEVIL PLANTING EVIL THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD? BECAUSE I FEEL EVIL. ARGH.

2010-02-05T01:07:00.002+08:00

I'm going to throw my laptop away i swear. Lock it up or something. I can't believe i procrastinated for 2 days in a row and is still not motivated to study! What is wrong with me!!

2010-02-04T23:32:00.001+08:00

Mel called me today:] i'm getting ACJC shirt.muahahaha.. i don't know why i want to get it o.o i'll probably be wearing it, what? at home?

I hate the fact that i'm 17 and missed the chance of applying for resorts world.

2010-02-03T22:05:00.002+08:00

It's the third of january. I haven't started studying and its 2 weeks to exams! Guess what o.o i went shopping today. I hate myself sometimes..I hate my friends more for not going new year shopping earlier. Haha..Kidding. love you guys:]

Anyways, went to cotton on ( i felt like buying everything there o.o seriously.)and then AMK hub. 2 favourite shops my clique and i like to go : Code Red ( bags and shoes) and Song & Song. Yeap.We are officially hard-core fans. Most of us have more than 2 items from these 2 shops. Aweeesome. hahaha.. Man. I'm still seriously upset. I went to Code red and could only fit into their size 43 flats. meaning my feet could have grown larger. cause i'm usually a size 41. And NOOO HEEL size!! Just flats. Dang it. No, Song & Song is the most ridiculous place to shop. For some reason, i feel like there's a weird smell in that shop. Most tops are basics there. And you really have to DIGGG for good ones. But CHEAP. $3-#10. Freaking cheap.

Did i mention that i was so hungry i was bent to wait for dinner before studying? But what'd i eat? TOAST BREAD. Thanks a lot mum. thanks a lot sis.And i'm like now this unhappy teen who ate dinner at 10 plus PM, didn't cut and dye her hair with a mum and a sis who went to do their hair in a salon. PITY ME:[ Ok luhh...dying my hair chestnut brown tomorrow. I'm so sure there wouldn't be a difference cause i'm using Liese.That foam one...

Ugh. today marks the 3-day quota for using facebook. no more facebook for the week! oh wells...

2010-02-01T04:05:00.002+08:00

Why am i awake at 4am!>.< no, i'm not entertaining these thoughts. go away. I hate the fact that we're friends but you bring me down so easily. I hate the fact that i feel like i'm constantly lost in this maze where i can't seem to find the answer when it comes to you. I hate the fact that you always complain but never share the joy. i hate the fact that i know you're unhappy when you talk to me, but know you're happy because you're missing in action. Yeah. that's how i'm feeling. i wish i could tell you this straight in your face. but i know you enough to know that no, you're not going to listen. and you're not going to change. telling you this will just mark the end of our friendship. so, should i? maybe if it did end, it'll benefit both parties..

i don't think i'll be feeling so insecure if you didn't pour that out. Yeah. sometimes when you say some general comments about how you treat your friends TO your friends, it's called too much info.

friend trouble is worst than boy trouble.come to think of it, i haven't got boy trouble yet. oh man.. i'm sure it can't get worst than this.sigh* hate it when i've got inner-conflict.

2010-01-31T13:18:00.002+08:00

Eh i still think he's super cuteee! He's like a senior that has a michael buble voice and the looks of a modern elvis presley. sounds like a disgusting combination but he's sooo cute!! And he's a year older! wahahaha..i think i'm about to drool all over my keyboard. hmph:[ shan't say anymore. or else it'll get too obvious. Oh wait. he's not my school senior. cause i didn't get into that school. or else he might have become my ogl. like... husband! stupid melody cheng. totally only likes her korean artists that are far beyond reach..:P oh yeah. now i totally sound stalker-ish.

self revelation: i'm blogging so much cause i'm procrastinating. muahaha.ok. come on clare. just get this done and over with.
Just like a pill- Pink is playing on 987fm. woah. i haven't listened to the radio in a long time...

2010-01-31T03:30:00.000+08:00

do you get chick math? hahaha..

2010-01-31T01:52:00.002+08:00

Ok i miss you guys so much i can't believe we didn't meet on sat morning guys why are you so busy!! sheesh.

I MUST BE CRAZY I'M WATCHING HANNAH MONTANA O.O

2010-01-30T12:39:00.002+08:00

My dear, what has happened to you? After knowing you for more than 10 years, it breaks my heart to read your blog. because after we graduated, i feel like you've changed so drastically. you've become so negative. Is the love of people making you lose so much hope, that you don't even see that God will always love you more than anyone else? Yeah,maybe i'm directing this at one person, maybe to a few. but there's only this few that walked through for 10 full years with me in mg that i remember of. so if it's you, yeah. i'm talking about you.
We're all in different schools now. We're all so busy. it's impossible to have even a talk.So i can only say, trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.

2010-01-30T12:16:00.003+08:00

I don't like barbie doll hair! i like baby's hair. Like, soft, smooth. Not plastic and weird-textured. I think i got infuenced by Jet's 'Are you gonna be my girl' cause they do mention hair inside. TEEHEE:] and i've been thinking too much about dying my hair.

Maybe after the exams and after i get a hair cut? Yesterday i swept my hair to the side! Therefore, i've said buhhbyee to BANGS. It kind of looks weird though.. cause i didn't go cut it to make the shape. Oh well, i had fun with bangs while it lasted..haha..

Did i mention that i love Mr.brightside? How that's the only song that can make me go crazy singing it when i go KTV with my family( i'm oddly prim and proper with my family. Die die try also cannot get high. don't know why. haha).

Ok. Let me spill out the truth. I am in a state of utter confusion at the moment. I cannot figure out if i should be happy or not that it's CNY on valentine's day.
1. I don't have a date
2. But i can get ang baos
3. But the ang baos come from busybody relatives that keep asking about your lives like papparazzi
4. You don't get chocolates if you opt for ang bao! (no, i don't count those stupid chocolate coins as ang baos. it's disgusting.)
5.I spent 18 years of CNY already! but i've never had a date on valentine's day( or a date, on any other day for that matter..)
6. I really think it's because of what i prayed to God about, and indeed, God answers all prayers o.o

Heh. For number 6 what happened is i've been praying to God that i won't exactly open my eyes to the fact that i'm single, if i'm not at the ideal weight i want to be in. Somehow i just feel that if in scenario 1 where i do not have anyone i currently like, then i might as well wait till i lose weight so i can look for better fish (you need to improve yourself if your standards are high, you know..) and it works for scenario 2 which is when you already like somebody, you can change yourself for the benefits of the other party.

So indeed, lesson learned, pray more specifically. This post is so superficial o.o yet it's really all in my head. EWWW!! i'm so superficial >.<

2010-01-29T19:03:00.002+08:00

I Love you. And because i do, i've learnt to love your flaws more than your talents. Not because we do the wildest things, but because even if we remained silent, i'd still want it to last forever. I love everything about you. I love the way you do your hair, how your hand and mine seems to fit perfectly. I love that sudden flicker of shock in your face when i almost trip, before we both burst out laughing. I love how no matter how oddly mismatched i look, you would still walk proudly beside me and squeeze my hand tightly. I love how you seem to slowly love the same things as i do, and vice versa. Where are you my secret valentine?

Oh well, maybe i'll get to say these things next year...

2010-01-27T22:22:00.002+08:00

MAD MAD ME. i'm blogging like mad? I've excitedly gotten my screwed phone back. and i vow i'll treat it wayyyy better now:[ It hurts to use a phone you can't really tell time with. a phone with no camera function. Dang. a phone that you cannot rely to tell you when you've missed an important call efficiently. that is one toy phone eh? I thought they'd fix the middle button back for me. turns out it's still. not.fixed. therefore i'm thinking of doing it myself. like, i'm going to stick it with UHU. will it screw up o.o i'd better ask mumzies first...

Today my love revelation scared me. I've concluded that some guys are not very human. I was asking X if she were a guy, aged 28, dating some he met while clubbing, let's say, 3 years ago. then one day he decides he needs to get married. His mum had this prim and proper girl in mind for him. So he breaks up with his girlfriend of 3 years to be with this 'guai' girl. So i asked x, would guys do that? And she told me that, the truth is, guys don't take girls they know from clubs seriously. and i'm left asking myself, In this whole relationship equation, where does love stand? Honestly, no matter where you've met your other half, that person has feelings and she ought to be taken seriously right?

Today i resisted the fried chicken wings that were calling for me at the pasar malam:] i opted for the steamed peanuts! YAY! I still got something, but it's a healthier choice? Now we're even. Strike out stupid sausage prata i had for breakfast:P

2010-01-27T09:00:00.002+08:00

Eh i feel stressed out. I feel like i only blogg when i'm stressed out o.o SHHHHHH EEEE TTTTT. I'm getting stressed out because i'm full. and full= yesterday's oily food + today's breakfast = FATS. I FEEL EVER SO FAT. i need to be more inspired to lose weight. UGHHH...

2010-01-26T10:21:00.006+08:00

Yesterday some guy took drugs in school.. We were getting ready for our presentation when we received news and we sort of all rushed out of the classroom. By the time we reached the hallway there was already a crowd of people there. Half of them were looking for the druggy, while the other half was cluelessly waiting for their lecture to start. So the girls in my class KPO-ly walked from Block D all the way to Block A. We almost wanted to give up the 'hunt' when i suddenly spotted this dude that was looking really sick beside the plantations ( He started to puke!! EWW). and there was this lecturer standing quite a distance from him. The first thing that came to my mind was how funny it was the the crowd was at the other side while he's at a corner o.o hmm.. haha.. yeah anyways we went into the nearby girl's toilet for a while. When we came out there were security guards surrounding him and he wanted to retailiate but ended up fainting. sheesh. so dramatic:D

Went to Toa Payoh's Pasar malam just now with mefline. Haha... Went her house to get money before that. I saw her cat! so cute... her cat's so obedient. Like, so obedient. It's so touching to know that she cares for pets like her own kids. Made me think back about when i had pets, and how my hamsters weren't exactly loved by me, more like by my maid o.o after pigging out with mefline, i officially feel FATTER. oh man.

2010-01-15T23:45:00.002+08:00

Oh God my pillar of strength, Help me. Shield me from the hurts of the world. Wrap me with love. Speak to me with assurance. That everything will be alright.

You'll lift me up:] You never fail to do so..

2010-01-15T20:10:00.002+08:00

Did you know that weddings vows are not as cliche as Till death do us part...? Well, as in, you could choose to write your own vows and indeed, it'll be such a unique vow that people are taking if they're self-written. Like a contract spoken out, to bond two people for eternity. I wish i could fill my wedding vows like a medley, a combination of all the lyrics from his and my favourite love songs. And we would make it flow to form a story. Our love story. Then i'd never add till death do us part. Because we will meet again when we're both called home to be with the Lord, we will both sit in heavenly places in the gates of heaven, where we will be together for eternity.

My favourite line from Asher Book's song 'Try' is Its time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
and maybe im not ready

Last time my mother would say that getting into a relationship will affect my studies and stuff. But if your special somebody loved you, would they let their other halves do badly in their studies just because they wanted to date? Now that i've grown that little much more, i've noticed so much more. Like how that saying is just being outright selfish. How they would do work with you. Because as long as they're together, it doesn't matter what they're doing,no?

It's all about changing for one another.

At least i think so. Oh yeah. Just great. don't know why my mum just had an ultimate fit and is super angry:[ better go see..

2010-01-10T11:54:00.002+08:00

The last time i've had a tiramisu was when i was in primary school. It was one made by my aunty. And i could remember that when you placed this desert on your tongue the first thing that you would taste was the cream. Next the coffee will slowly start to take over the cream taste. Not overpoweringly, but slowly. Finally when you've swallowed both tastes would be left lingering on your tastebuds and you can't help but want more.

Why haven't I had more than? For some reason, whenever i see tiramisu, I'll end up choosing the chocolate cake that looked a lot higher, a lot more desirable at that moment. I finally realised that in my heart i had struck the tiramisu off. Not giving it a chance back into my life. I had forgotten that the tiramisu has a respectable placing as well. The best tasting italian desert, if you googled it a few years ago, lots of definitions of its meaning will come up. Some are " carry me up"," pick me up" or " lift me up" but yet if you googled it today, most websites tell you it's a desert. And not the meaning of its name.

It's time to let the tiramisu earn it's place back in my heart.

2010-01-04T21:46:00.003+08:00

Here's one thing i've regretted the most. In well, all the time. Throwing my instant camera away. Therefore for this year, i really want to save up as much as i can. 1) For my birthday trip overseas ( if mumzie approves) , 2) instant camera and well, the rest we'll see.. Maybe if at the end of the year i've saved up plenty i'll decide again..

2010-01-04T00:06:00.002+08:00

Here's a fact. When you talk about primary school science, the only thing i can remember is the solar system, because it was my favourite topic. and it still is something i find quite intriguing. hahaha....

2010-01-03T15:57:00.002+08:00

HAPPY YEAR 2010! Yeah so happy man so happy i'm at home on the 3rd day of the new year doing, well, projects. BEING EIGHTEEN in 2010 ( well, not really 18 yet.), i would like to say i've been dreaming about my birthday like as if i'm turning 21. Like, the evil side of me is waiting to pounce out or something ( no joke. ). I've been thinking about going drinking, going overseas, stepping into a club, all kinds of rebel stuff i know i might not feel comfortable doing, but just want to do it for the sake of me being ABLE to do it now that i'm legal ( well, as of 8th May, that is).

Last year really ended well with many people falling in love. Yeap, many fell in love. And what better way to start the new year than coughing up that one of my 2009 resolutions was to get into a relationship?!?! Haha.. i laugh when i think of it now because this year it's not on the list. I think maybe it'll get back on next year, i don't know. But this year, i've got to aim straight up ahead and just walk with Jesus every step of the way. Don't really want a BGR now:)

Well, i stated that i wanted to lose 15kg. Sadly i only lost 11kg. But good try no? Missed it by 4kg. I'm sure i'll be able to lose 10kg this year:] plenty of fats for me to lose:)

Ok i don't really remember the rest but last year was really a happy happy year for me. Being a chrisitian must have been the happiest thing i've done. And this year will be EVEN BETTER. Trust in him and he will speak visions into our lives. But we ourselves must take that step forward no matter what, so that those visions become reality.

I used to laugh if people told me they wanted to do something and i thought it was too overrated and impossible. Yet, now i look back and think how childish i used to be. Nothing is impossible. NOTHING:]

2009-12-28T00:18:00.002+08:00

My brother is a joke. He went to his room, took off his shirt, came out with the shirt hanging over his shoulder, then continued to play his game. Then when he heard my sister unlocking the door, he said," HUH! Zhu-rie's back!" Then ran into the bathroom cause he wanted to bathe before her. Did i mention that he's 10 years older than me? haha... love him to bits. So full of crap..

Christmas was great! Received so many wonderful presents. It seemed like God's way of saying,"You have been a better girl this year." And indeed i'm being thankful for the littlest things. And as we're about to receive the new year, I just have so many resolutions. So many areas to change in. I am truly grateful for the people God has planted into my life, people that have sown seeds into my life. Especially my church friends and val. You have no idea how grateful i am to have val as a classmate. Having only 3 christians in class, inclusive of myself, it is just so tiring sometimes to know you're for god, while the rest are either against god, or whatever. Yet whenever val shares with me some things about christianity, i feel that i'm not alone. There is someone who's a common friend with God:]

I'm so excited for wednesday. Hope my plan doesn't fall through.

2009-12-20T12:54:00.002+08:00

Candlelight Service yesterday! It was really really romantic as the whole place began to light up. Sun was also back! Pam asked me to follow her to the toilet before service. we ended up going to the conference room side and saw this whole red carpet with lots of people surrounding it. she looked so pretty. And she hugged the people infront of me>.< I think i was star struck. haha.... Anyways, when the candles started to light up the whole church there was this romantic atmosphere that really reminded me. Did I ever light up the flame in someone's life this year? Did i make a difference in someone's life? Because we just need to work together and try our best. As long as we touched one person, there can be a chain where that person you touched can touch the lives of another and so on so forth.

Did you make a difference this year?

2009-12-17T10:28:00.000+08:00

So currently i have noooo ideaaa what time class starts. Everyone has different timings in their mind! mine's at 2 but apparently some said 3. i really have no clue. So i decided to blog about my fats. No, kidding:D Such random ramblings from me. I mean it without the comma actually. So yeah. At first i decided that there was nooo wayy i'll ever lose 10 kg within this year because last year i lost 11kg, by... I FORGOT. Maybe i just starved myself i don't really remember. Then i remembered that there's this brilliant thing at home that was recently installed in my house. Wii. It's going to be my savior-weight wise( i think.). Seriously you have nooo idea how that thing makes your arms hurts after a few games of swinging at the baseball bat.

Talking about swinging the baseball bat i got owned by my brother big time. We played baseball and it was 15-0. 15!!! Freak luhhh.. It's like the stupid game none of us understood as Kas' house.Like, even kas doesn't get it. Ok i don't feel like blogging anymore. buhhbyee.

2009-12-17T07:13:00.002+08:00

Indeed, prayer does wonders.

I can officially say i'm single. Because you no longer hold my heart captive. And just, in a sleepless night, so many things happened. Thank God. Thank God.

2009-12-15T01:13:00.002+08:00

This is me blogging at 1.30am despite needing to wake up at 6 am because i'm about to burst and really needed to rant.

Stop talking to me like i'm a fool. As much as i may seem blur, sometimes i'm a lot more than that. Don't always think you make the most sense. You didn't have much of a success story to tell, yet there was a lot of boasting. Hello? It's like pointing a gun at your head telling me how dangerous it is...

I wish how i could tell you how i really felt about you all this while. But the impression is so bad you might breakdown.

The reason why i always say people are too self-centred, is because i spent most of my times trying to think for others, yet it's never enough or not appreciated, although i could have just been selfish and think all about myself( like, this post.)

Because there is freedom of speech for everyone in this country. Yeah right. Whenever someone says something like that it is after they say something offensive and i always feel like really giving them a piece of my mind.

I hope you realise one day that you're my friend, not my mother. Cause you sure nag /complain like one.

When you called me just now, i really didn't feel like picking up your call. Because if you've never noticed, you are always the one doing the complaining,calling me up to complain. Truely, when i need to complain, i never go to you. Cause it's like, will i actually have a chance to say my piece?

Did you notice that your views are so contradicting, i have no comments?

I'm going to settle this with you. We need to talk this out. Seriously.

I need to write my new year's resolution. I really do.

there. what's currently running through my head. Sleep now!

2009-12-14T00:25:00.003+08:00

Today my eldest brother said that i was stupid while we in the car. He said i was the type that will always have a problem in my studies because i will die die memorize and not understand. And out of all the stuff that happened today, that one really hurt. Some people never realise how much words can hurt others do they? Can't wait for my second brother to be back. He's really like, the most grateful person to ever be in my life. Without him ( other than God luhh), i really would have been a lot worse than i am today. Why are my siblings so different?o.o

I made lots of new friends today! There was jerry,meiyi,keith,kenny, wee teck, marcus, and who knows who else... can't name all...

And today i was proud to say i did it. I got asked the same question 2 days in a row. Yesterday i hesitated. Today my answer was outright and straight. And you know what, i'm totally over it and when i answered this question there was a different sort of happiness filled in me. A sense of relief :D

I hope you're okay. super worried for you... what's going on with everyone man...

2009-12-13T00:27:00.002+08:00

I was slightly down today. Cause i kept thinking about what someone and i were talking about yesterday.. Then you had to ask me about something else. Then i just really couldn't even smile. Troubled enough.

Singlehood is the best gift God has given me so far. When it's time, it's time. But not yet. It's nowhere near. Because i'm too happy being single. Indeed, you envy the happy moments. But every couple has their downs, no?

How do guys think? Or maybe i'm just weird. Knowing the problem may make you become less uncomfortable around me, but it makes me more uncomfortable around you. Like, maybe cause you took this to heart in the first place.

2009-12-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

I'm tired. I don't care anymore. I hate it when i'm so sensitive when i read my friend's blogs and let my thoughts run wild and think that bad person they're talking about is me. i'm throwing in the towel. do whatever i'm tired.

2009-12-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

Today Zimmer and Renee was asking me why i became a Christian. And to be honest, i used to be on that side of the fence 3 years ago, before i began to open up to his word. I used to think religion was bullshit and that when we died, our souls would get vaccuumed into the black hole or something. But now i have an answer. Because i felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. Because when He speaks, He speaks with wisdom and power. He gives me a direction. He gives me hope. He assures me that i'm never alone.

Let's take an example. Some people tend to always have to be in a relationship( boy-girl). It's like they cannot be single. They HAVE to be in a relationship. That's due to their insecurities, they need someone to rely on. They have no direction. They need someone to guide them. When they break up, they fall apart, feel depressed, lose themselves. And that's only cause there isn't a person physically beside them letting them feel warm, comforted and not alone.
Yet, the Lord manages to let us feel His presence through the holy spirit. He doesn't need to be physically seen but he can assure us that we are never alone. If your boyfriend went to study for 3 years, chances are, you'd break up, no? See the difference?

The perspective of some are just different from others. I love to debate over stuff. Because a friendly debate brings the views of everyone on the table. At the end of the day, you do not have to come to an agreeing term that someone has won. Yet, you can respect that each person's point of view makes a tad more sense than you thought. Wala, with that friendly debate, you just got to know your friends a little more, know their views and bond a little more.

2009-12-10T20:06:00.002+08:00

Noticed something recently. Some people around me are so full of themselves. They complain about how their life sucks half of the time. We don't meet up because it's not to their convenience. They never seem to be free enough when i want to complain.Wake up people! The world doesn't revolve around YOU! Your misery is that mental state of mind caused by your self-inflicted sufferings. You'll be a lot happier if you could just let go about how your life currently sucks. Nobody's life doesn't suck. Others just know how to look at the big picture and appreciate stuff. You? Live in your cloud and emo. At least try looking out of the window and pity that blade of grass that's standing out in the rain while you're under a roof. Think happy thoughts. Don't just say that's just you,deal with it. NO. YOU DEAL WITH IT. The world is not going to deal with you!

How can some people grow up so pretty! As in, be pretty as a baby and still look pretty when they grow up o.o Why am i so random. Ok i'm done ranting.

2009-12-06T10:52:00.002+08:00

I'm really upset right now. So many reasons. My heart hurts so badly. My heart is like, i don't know.squished.

2009-12-02T15:59:00.002+08:00

I've got your face playing over and over in my head. That smile. That smile with that dimple( ok i can't remember if the dimple was a halluncination. i just tend to dig dimples ok?!).. and you look like average joe. or, more to loser side. yet when you smile, indescribable. You didn't need to be perfect. You just needed to smile:]

2009-12-01T08:30:00.002+08:00

Haha..... Video called Jaden yesterday. He looks funny with a hairband?? Somehow i think we should have done a survey on the approximate percentage of guys that wear hairbands at home. Nowadays guys want to keep long hair and stuff, yet they themselves find it slightly annoying sometimes. Where's the logic in that o.o oh well.. I wanted to upload the picture but i'm not home. will put it up next time i've got time to blog:] maybe at night or something.i can put my spastic-looking second brother's one too.muahahahaha...

Last weekend i had standard chartered! Super tired man. THE RUN IS NEXT WEEK. AND I WAS VOLUNTEERING. stop asking how was the run man. sheeeesh. Did i look so deceivingly active? like, seriously man. hahaha.. yeah, I met many new friends. I think they sort of thought i was crazy.. oh wells... Quite a few friends luh. Their names are: Liyan, Irene, Seren,Zhimin, Benji and Nicholas. Yeshh!! i remembered their names:] not bad uhh..hahaha...

yeah okay. choir audition later. super nervous/excited. oh well....i hope i'll do well...

2009-11-24T22:58:00.001+08:00

Clarissa cannot waittt waiittt waittt for click five's new album!!!! favourite band:]

2009-11-23T18:20:00.002+08:00

Yesterday is a pretty PAISEH day.. Had an awesome awesome cellgroup meeting as usual and went home after that.. well, Jaden said he wanted to study so i was thinking,"i could go if he went to study at parkway!" since i got to go my grandma's house what.. then ok lor. So he said he wanted to eat carl's jr. When we reached there, i had no idea he meant the carl's jr at eat coast park!! I thought he meant the newly opened one at parkway o.o sigh* so i was like,"CANNOTTTT>.<>.<

At the end of the day,i got scolded on the way home. cause my mum said i so disrespectful or whatever? Like, not my day man. not my day. Cellgroup meeting was really very awesome though. hahahaha....

2009-11-21T23:59:00.001+08:00

He had rough hands, yet a smile that was really, lighting this whole town... or you could say, it lit my heart. Oh well.. haha. ok stop being gay clare. go do work.

2009-11-18T22:36:00.004+08:00

When you're down and out, you feel lonely. Then a few concerned friends would knock on the door. Call you, text you. You take them as nuisances. Therefore you ignore them completely. After a while, you're really ALONE. because they're tired of knocking at your door. Tired of your REJECTION. Then you ask," Why? Why am i being outcasted? Why do they not call me to hang anymore?" Isn't the answer pretty obvious here? It's a torture during our down and out periods. But it's even more painful when our friends try to help and we push them away.
Isn't this so similar to us rejecting God when we're out? We ask, where is he? why is he no longer speaking to me? Why can't i hear him? Yet the answer's actually simple. How do you hear when you put on earplugs? How do you see blindfolded? The problem really lies with if we CHOSE to let him in.

Note to self: Sometimes i really need to re-examine my attitude. my behaviour. my approach on things.

Why are we so ready to blame others? Yet never ready to put the blame on ourselves? Yet He is ready to receive us with arms wide open everytime. That's what we call, unconditional love. That is also why, he is so perfect. CAN WE DO THE SAME? Can we love unconditionally? Let's put our love, to the test.

2009-11-18T22:10:00.000+08:00

Clarissa should start working at some ulu retail shop. so ulu until nobody goes there. Therefore she can start to read up those books that she has so nicely wrapped up in their original covers.untouched.sigh*

2009-11-18T21:16:00.003+08:00

I HATE MARKETING. It's so easy yet so hard. I hate the fact that i spent half of today thinking about you. i thought i got over this thing we never had. did i? well, now i will. cause i'll force myself to.

Ok. start thinking about marketing.

2009-11-17T20:39:00.002+08:00

Have been super cheered up by rainbows recently.. This was from char's facebook. I want to make it. because it's a RAINBOWWWWW cakeee!!! LOVES♥!! Well, i've been telling many people about this beeeeeeeautiful cakeeee. They've given me mixed reactions really. Some say," Eh, come on lahh..doing a normal cake isn't even easy...." Some want to try, some question it's edibility. mostly, they question my baking skills. HAHAHA!! Well, I intended to make this for christmas and my mind's made up so... yeap. and yeah, many are curious what it'll taste like. I doubt everyone'll get to taste it. Therefore, i have decided to make cupcakeeees!! :D Rainbow cupcakes for my loved ones. IF I LOVE YOU, YOU MIGHT GET ONE!:D

Have i told you that i love you?

2009-11-15T11:01:00.002+08:00

At this very vulnerable moment, I feel like i'll marry anyone who sings me an acoustic song. I will just marry that person. Guy, Girl, Animal, alien, plant. whatever. Thank goodness it's morning, i'm at home, and i can't marry the people i'm listening to on youtube. phew. HAHAHA.

2009-11-14T22:58:00.001+08:00

Christianity is not a religion. It is a relationship.

2009-11-12T18:27:00.002+08:00

I am a follower. My brain would be spinning with ideas and in the dead of the silence....would let it be that way. Cause i lack that self-esteem. That confidence which lets me step up and say,"Hey! I think that..." That's what i got reminded of during tutorial today. The tutor was asking for the answer and i said it really softly. After a while my friend voiced out my answer and the tutor actually said," Very Good!" and i would have that little bit of satisfaction. Yet, today I felt different. Today I felt like as if the Holy Spirit literally took my shoulders and shook me violently,screaming,"WAKE UP!Do you not have enough faith? Do you not believe that I am with you every step of the way? Why is it that you fear then?" Exactly what am i fearing here?? Where is my courage?

One day i really need to step up and instead of following, lead. I hope that day comes soon.

2009-11-11T21:08:00.002+08:00

Clare = FAT
Clare=FAT
Clare must therefore lose weight. Everybody must stop me from eating. MUSTTT!!!

I officially love studying in my study room. Even if the laptop was in front of me, i just didn't have the tendency to turn on the music. It was like as if my study room carried some special anointing. you think...? hmm.. hard to say eh?:]

I'm going to have water parade( is that what they call it...?) everyday macham i'm in NS so that i can clear all the toxins in my body and have clearer skin. I have a new target. I've been searching high and low for one then i saw one right in front of me. TAN M F!! That girl has baby skin, the tan i like( ok slightly different) and she's super duper skinny can!! Yeeah i'm going to get her full length picture and hang it on my wall! Ok that's too stalker-ish. kidding:D teehee...

2009-11-08T23:34:00.002+08:00

I really don't know what's going on. As to why people backslide, people more spiritually matured, i fail to understand now. What i know was today when we were singing the worship song i thought i heard her voice by the door.And i had that glimmer of hope that when i turned my head i would see her there singing, crying and just being touched by the presence of the holy spirit. But. It wasn't her. Believe. All i can do is believe that after much prayer God will let her heart be so open to God's word again. I miss her:[ I really do...

I haven't started on my project yet! I'd better start soon man.. seriously..

2009-11-01T23:44:00.002+08:00

Had an awesome prayer meeting at Pam's house today.. we prayed from 1pm-4pm. As i began to listen and absorb what Cate was saying, i realised how true it was that i tended to doubt. Not doubt the works of the Lord, more like, doubting my own capabilities. After pondering over this, i've come to this conclusion. If i was doubting myself, isn't it the same as doubting God? It's like we're works of God. And i'm doubting the work that God had uniquely created( ME LUH), isn't that doubting him? It's really a time for me to do some reflection. And i really want to just. Shut down. Just have time to listen to what He wants to say to me. I'm tired. And when you're tired, you tend to forget to open your ears. sigh*

So much has happened recently. Honestly, i feel like i'm groping around in the dark. Honour your father and your mother. In this case, HOW? I'm sick of all this contradiction.

ugh. ok.sleep later forget everything and hope they will stop bringing up. Cause if they do, i'm going to challenge what they're saying to them. I don't care if they're older anymore. It's time to realise how contradicting they are. They are so contradicting, i just hope my nephew and niece don't grow up confused. So little people THINK in this family. oh yeah. they do. just not the big picture. their thoughts revolve around themselves.

2009-10-21T22:02:00.002+08:00

I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me,
Papa-paparazzi,
Baby there's no other superstar you know that i'll be your
Papa-paparazzi

I love this song but if it happens in real life i might just dieee..Scary stuff man. I am so glad i'm single. I am so glad i'm single. I'm so glad i'm single. I'm not going to be attached anytime soon. ?NO WAYYYYY...ahhhhh!!

2009-10-20T08:47:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday joanne lim sze yee!!

I've known you since we were 8. You tied your hair in two pony tails and wore glasses. We were in swimming CCA and you were quite tanned? That's how I remembered you when you were young.If you didn't look like that maybe i remembered the wrong girl o.o After knowing you for 9 years i must say i never really knew you. More because humans are ever so changing in character and personality, unless i lived with you, i never really knew you. But there's one thing i know. I know that i'll always love you as a dearest friend in my heart. My mei, my friend, the person i would call and burst out crying to ( If I do want to,that is..) especially in sec 2. That's how important you are to me. And in this seventeen years of your life, I hope you know that, otherthan your family, you have impacted my life one way or another. And i hope that i will too, one way or another as we continue to watch each other grow:D

___________________________________________________________

Currently i'm having Software applications. I've got one word for it. BORING! And i can't stand the fact that i feel like she's a replica of my previous statistics tutor that i labelled "ntuc lady" mainly cause she dressed like the cashiers at ntuc. I would say the current one in front would be the slightly better dressed AMK hub ntuc cashier. Ahh.. so mean. I feel like there's a need to repent o.o Ok. Don't be mean, clare. Don't be mean.

___________________________________________________________

Patience is the current "skill" I need to pick up. I feel there's a need to know how to wait on/for people as a 'practise' to wait on the Lord. Don't ya think so? It's like how we should love people fervently and love God wholeheartedly... If we learn to wait on people(serving..? in a way..) by putting them first, we will, therefore, naturally wait on the Lord more. Especially if we're waiting on our 2nd family, church friends. Because when we're waiting on them, we tend to also be fellowshipping!

I think i should so give my cellgroup leader my blog address. In case my point of view is slightly wrong.. hurhur..

These few last weeks of the school holidays has really been a whole testimony filled with how true the verse " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" really is. It is not by my will but by his that I can accomplish so much. More on the sports section recently, i must say. Sunday I rollerbladed!! I'm halfway there. Yesterday i went swimming and surprisingly, i did 15 laps without stopping. I hardly ever do 2 in the first place. Usually I would really just, play with the water. New accomplishments. New Goals. The word "New" had turned into a Goal. To do all things new. The only thing we need to wait on is people and the Lord. Never wait to do a task. Because if we do, we procrastinate. And that's me. Procrastinating had been such a common word in my dictionary, my new commonly used words shall be " New" and " Change".

Today there won't be a bible verse. Cause, I'm in school and the bible is not with me?! Hahahaha...

Let's keep running

For tomorrow

For out future

To become a shining light under the sun

I need to find more inspirational things to keep me going. Maybe i'll start praying more..

2009-10-16T20:24:00.002+08:00

INSPIRED.

You don't have to know what I'm inspired to do. You just have to know that God sparked me with an inspiration to do better. To really start living by the vision of my secondary school which is ," To be Godly women of exellence with a heart of love." And indeed the cycle for a new beginning has just begun and we should live life like we just got born again. Being hardworking, humble, honest,hospitable and honouring the Lord in whatever we do. Despite the setback i just had of a totally unproductive day attempting to study at macs, i will stumble on my feet, but i will not fall. Because God will give me a hand. He will make sure that I can get up no matter what.

So why are we worried of how others think of us than what God thinks of us? Afterall, in the end of the day, we are all God's children. We are brothers and sisters. And he loves all of us. So we should love our neighbours too, no?

"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more."- Hebrews 8:12

Sometimes i asked myself. Why do people set up blogs? Why do i have blogs? Last time my blog was my device to speak my mind. To complain about all the unhappiness i had with the people around me. Now i've realised the difference between the old me and the new me. My blog still speaks my mind. Just that now, I've changed. I don't think of how others can be better. Instead i ask myself. How can i be better? Some people blog about every single minute, hour, second of their lives on their blog. Some just rant. Some just summarizes the week for others. I have decided to use part of my blog to record my walk with God. Part of it to summarize my week. Anyhow i want to make this blog more meaningful. Everything else more meaningful. Because " Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device of knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going"-Eccelesiastes 9:10 Yes, there is eternal life. But you only get to live on this earth once. So why not live to the fullest and glorify God? Our whole life is an OPPORTUNITY. It is an opportunity to shine in a stage audition. God is our dance cheorographer and our aim is a scholarship( Heaven). Do we fool around and eat to our heart's content? Or do we listen to our cheorographer? We know we have the talents, we have the skills. All we need to do is follow His will and not our own. Because he, has a dance for us. A dance that's unique and different. Perfect only for ourselves and no one else. Because he knows that no one can do it better than us. He trusts us. But. Do we trust him?

2009-10-09T23:03:00.002+08:00

"True friendship isn't being inseparable, it's being separated and nothing changes."

The above quote is oh so true. Enough said. Detailed update in a few days. I'm tired..

2009-10-06T13:06:00.002+08:00

A person changes their perspective on things after a while.. A few days ago, I discovered the greatness of singlehood. The feeling. Is. Just.Great. Hahaha.. Ok I don't feel like mentioning what happened. It's just that under that situation i started to panic. Which means, I'm not actually ready for a relationship yet:) What Pastor said last saturday made a lot of sense. Some people live happier being single. So scary, if i was or marriageable age,but i'm no where near! So I'll start panicking if was 26 and still no boyfriend! NOTE: The age 26 is used because my sister is 26. Hahaha...

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free -John8:32

2009-10-06T00:20:00.002+08:00

Well, yesterday( monday) I went over to Grace's house to learn how to cycle. NOT BAD RIGHTTT!! ME! LEARN! Ok. Anyone who hears that I don't know how to cycle would get a shock and start bombarding me with questions especially since I used to live in a bungalow.. Well, nothing strange! Just that.. no one was there to teach me how to ride on I guess...

I was telling Grace that i felt like today was like me pressing rewind and replay.. Cause i kept trying to get on the bike and then when i fail i'll reverse back to the same spot and try again. After that we went to the nearby playground and sat on the swing. Thus, the same back and forth motion. Haha.. Quite lame luhh i know...

I'm pretty determined to master cycling this wednesday at east coast park. I WILL KNOW HOW TO CYCLE. I WILL.I WILL.I WILL! So for the last 2 weeks of my holidays, I have decided to:
1. Master the skill of cycling
2. Improve photography skills
3.Eat less
4.Walk more

Yup~~! That's about it i guess.. I am a Youth Olympic Game Volunteer and a Chingay 2010 volunteer!! The schedule's going to be busy but with God's strength i will be able to make it! I decided to post a verse that intrigued me from the bible whenever i update my blog. So that i'll have to look through the bible whenever i post. Thus i'll be reading the bible more!:)

Now i plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there are no divisions among you, but that you may be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgement - 1 Corinthians 1:10

2009-10-03T01:08:00.002+08:00

Apparently they're glasses....

Ayo...sebas and bernard...act cute ah?

FRIDAY. Went to meet grace for lunch. Ate Swensons. GUILTY PLEASURE.ughhh.. Headed down to punggol park from holland v. I am an idiot. I mean, i sort of assumed that punggol park was at punggol right( is it spelled with 1 g or 2gs?)? BUT. I called Nelson when i reached punggol interchange he was like,"What are you doing at punggol mrt?! You're suppose to take to Hougang la!!" Perfect example of how i hate a place is not where it's suppose to be. Come on!! There's a few mrt stations between pungol and hougang okk!!

played lots of stuff..
I had a great time being chased around as we played police and thief? I used to call it freeze and melt. Have no idea when it changed. Our cellgroup celebrated mooncake festival together!! It was pretty good overall.. I still can't believe that bernard and siak hong cooked the food. It's just, shocking. BECAUSE. It actually tasted quite good. shocked* HAHAHA..

Well, many new friends came. There was xiewei( he's not a new friend. i think he came to church earlier..? don't know.still confused about this one.) ,Jesse,Angel,Darren, Jennifer and June. And I was super shocked to get a call from Sebastian? I would assume he wasn't coming.. O's so near and stuff. Great talking to him though...

VEHH HAPPY!!:D I am still fascinated with the effects i can do with my camera. HURRAY TO THAT!!

I have a secret to tell. Just now when I was taking bus on the way to meet grace i checked out a girl o.o HAHAHA.. I saw this girl and just got convinced that she's the perfect sort of girlfriend( FOR A GUY DUH. I'm not being gay.) that any guy would have. Just from her dressing and her hair. I don't know. Clare. You.Crazy.Girl. Go back to checking out guys.seriously.sheeesh...

2009-10-01T12:49:00.002+08:00

People are always changing. Changing ever so quickly. Yet, we can't say,"STOP CHANGING" can we? What would you do if your friend changed for the worst? Would you continue being there for them?

Situations get messy sometimes. Sometimes it isn't about if you want to be there for them. It's if they want you to be there for them. If they reject your gesture as your friend, do you back off? Or do you perservere, bent on making them spill the beans and cleaving onto this friendship?

There's one thing I've learnt from good and bad friendships. Don't let a bad relationship with a friend wear you out. Out there, there are more people you can rely on and more people that want to rely on you. Let your friends influence you in a good way, but never bring you down. Because a true friend would never try to bring their friends down. Even if they were falling of a cliff, I really doubt they'd pull their best friend down with them...

_________________________________________________________________
It's Children's Day today! A little hard to believe actually! I've gained a new goal today. Somehow i want to be more like how i used to be as a kid. I would be so determined and competitive( ask anyone now and they'll tell you clarissa,determined and competitive are not words that go together), it'll be... hard to believe.

It's time to go back to the basics. Be a kid again. When everything is just as it's seen. America's next top model now...BAIIII...

2009-09-29T22:22:00.003+08:00

I decided that i have to start learning how to take light graffiti shots. So my aim is to sort of develop a skill. Which is photography. Why? Cause clarissa loo has a DSLR nesting comfortably in its bag, just right beside her bed. Yet, the truth is, she really doesn't know how to take nice pictures with it. Time to learn clare! Do it while you still have time.

Had a great time..Yesterday was spent baking at joanne's house. Fabian,Joanne and I. Why does it feel like i did the most..? Oh well...It turned out better than i expected actually. The icing was peachy orange in colour..Not bad actually! Today was spent playing Guitar Hero 5!!! LP,Joanne and Fabian came over to my place and we played the newly bought 82 bucks worth game. Honestly.I'm super happy that i bought it for 82 bucks. Everywhere else seems to sell it so expensive..

Blog another time. So tired!

2009-09-27T00:28:00.001+08:00

The message Pastor Kong shared today was good! Let's be maximized women!!

Thank you so much.Just, thank you.

2009-09-25T18:45:00.002+08:00

I MISS YORK YING AND LOVE YORK YING SO MUCH! There! Nicely Capsed and red for you yy! haha..

Today was a pretty boring day i guess... I MEAN,WHERE'D ALL MY FRIENDS GO? *EMOS* TEEHEE:D Kidding.. Well, Pang and Cassie couldn't make it to my house cause Cassie hasn't completed painting Emma's Glass something. Don't know what, since i've never been to Emma's new house i have no idea what she's referring to.. Grace had to run some errands so she couldn't make it and since it was going to be LP and I only, we cancelled:( Felt super slacky today anyways..

Later i'm going to take a stroll to get my concession and think through a few things. You know what? I like being single afterall. There's a certain peacefulness to it. And I've always got God with me right? So yeahh..cause whenever i'm walking alone, that's when i hear the Holy Spirit really speak to me. Magical in that sense. If i'm attached, it'll end up being more time with boyfriend less time with God isn't it..

Anyways, I'm very KPO seriously. cause Nelson put "prettiest friend" for his msn display message and i went to ask him," who is your prettiest friend!" and what not? It's a song by Jason Mraz. How can i not know this song. very niceee... Other songs i've been hooked on this week includes 1234 and mushaboom by Feist( Who is she? How come i've never heard of her until (500) Days of Summer!!) and the airplane song by Scouting for Girls.

If i counted by percentage i would say I already got over it by 45%. So I've got 55% more to go. Now I just want to try the hardest to reach my goals. I'm so sorry that you'll never know about it. But i don't ever plan to let you know... This is a secret that only God and I know:] Maybe when i've reached my goal i'll share it:)

2009-09-23T21:14:00.002+08:00

Fried Rice.TEEHEE:D

Noel and Fabian.

Jo and Noel

Pictures! TOTALLY BLUR! Today i sort of made a new friend. His name is Noel, he is joanne and fabian's ex-classmate( considered ex already right?) and GUESS WHATTT. I just discovered that he's from CityHarvest too!! Well, what's new right? There are like, 27000 people going to the same church as me what are the odds that we're both from AN zone right? Ok luh. now that Cate's a zone supervisor i'm in CL zone now.. oh well.. But he's from Gideon's cellgroup! so shocked.hahaha.. okkk.. anyways today:

We ate Seoul Garden! tried all kinds of weird things.. no idea what got into me recently. keep playing with food. Anyways the fried rice tasted quite good luhh!! Went to Pasir Ris beach after that and the park WEEE!! I LOVE SWINGS AND PARKS!! FUN!!!!
really want to blog more, but very tired! Shall go and sleep! blog another day!

2009-09-22T02:09:00.002+08:00

I video called someone just now!! Considered yesterday actually! SOOO FUNNYYY!!! Will post up pictures tomorrow! TEEHEE:D He didn't know that i printed screen then when i said," OMG!I HAVE TO PUT THIS ON FACEBOOK" he had the taken-by-surprise expression followed by a " you dare! you put up i slap u" .TEEHEE:D i need to cut my face out cause i suck at using paint and i got too excited i pressed print screen too many times so there's some sort of error. Oh well:p Ughh..why am i awake? ok good night. shall elaborate tomorrow..

2009-09-21T20:16:00.002+08:00

AND WE GO BOOM DYNAMITE AND WE GO BOOM DYNAMITE AND WE GO TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK BOOM DYNAMITE...

Today i actually felt uber motivated to tidy up my room. yet my mum insisted that i went swimming with my niece and nephew. NOT ALLOWED TO BLAME ME IF I DON'T FEEL LIKE PACKING AGAIN.NONO. I hate packing and it's so difficult to actually want to pack. oh well...

I've got a secret to tell you. I___ ___ ___ _____. At least i think i don't. Ok too bad you guys can go fill in the blanks..I have to keep some stuff secret nowadays. After the hot pig thing( oh wait, it seems like it just started. scary friends.), keep stuff quiet.

BTW, my sister won tickets for the jacky cheung and ah mei concert. She submitted some video clip of her singing "one night in beijing"( the high-pitched-opera-like-woman-voice part of the song) and well, she got tickets. WOW. It's like, how lucky is it for her since jacky cheung is like her favourite male singer and ah mei is her favourite female singer.Lucky to the max that they decide to have the f1 concert together?

Let's see plans for this week.
tomorrow: doctor's with elaine, evening walk( hopefully) with poly clique
wednesday: seoul garden with joanne,fabian,jaden ( oh yayy..so excited to get fattt:( I'm trying to lose weight have to stop going for these things..)
thursday:sentosa and phone repair( finally.i finally found my warranty..)
friday: guitar heroes at my place!

2009-09-19T01:40:00.003+08:00

Today i managed to tear while typing something out. Not under the influence of some drama i just watched or something. Honestly, it's affecting me much more than i expected. Because it hurts. I'm going to bury it in my heart but i don't think i'll ever shake it off from my head. God, what do i do? What am i suppose to do? Please,tell me.

2009-09-18T11:50:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a VERY TIRING day.. Met up with Cheryl and went to Sentosa at 10 a.m. I feel so sua ku! Never went into sentosa like that before since my mom would drive me in most of the time. Oh, the convenience. We got super super excited when we saw the construction site for Resorts World cause the rollar coaster track thingy was already there and it looks crazy( shocking for something like that to be in singapore,at least.) and we're going hyper thinking about how we get to ride it next year:D Well, we got half an hour's worth of sun before a slight drizzle right after the rest came. So all together there were 8 of us. Cheryl, me, Renee,Yilei,Kenneth Lim & Chong, Jj and zimmer. Oh well...Renee and Yilei was gonna bring all of us to watch Songs of the Sea! Sadly, Sou and I had to leave. Anyways, i wanted to go home to bathe but i couldn't cause of time constraints. Met Xiaohui up directly( heng. i called her to ask me bring perfume. all you could smell on me was suntan oil o.o) ,ate dinner and went for Hospitality Club outing! Well, it was more of a the-lecturer-in-charge-has-free-tickets-now-everyone-gather sort of thing so we just, gathered? haha..yeah.

Watched (500) Days of Summer! This is NOT your typical love story. Even Xiaohui who (repeatedly told me right before the movie) doesn't watch love stories agrees!hahaha... You just have to catch it once it comes out in cinemas. i loved how they put the humour in there and to be honest, i wouldn't mind catching it all over again.

Ok i'm meeting grace, li pin and tiffany for hotpotculture! not that i'm eating since my mum hasn't transfered money to me yet!!! i have 20 dollars for who knows how long. after tithing tomorrow,i wonder how i'm going to survive. sigh* REMINDER: PEOPLE WHO OWE ME MONEY, PAY ME BACK!!!!!
Sheesh. not that i mean to be xiao qi of something. it's just that when there's too many people owing you money and it's your pocket money and it adds up to be quite a lot, I NEED IT BACK cause it means that i don't have enough money for myself.Sorry. i am not directing this at joanne, min feng,francesca and rachel( rachel i don't even remember how much she owes me. so long! so long!) really:D no if you don't get sarcasm i AM!! just in case you don't get it:)

2009-09-16T14:06:00.003+08:00

I SHALL DECLARE IT EVERYWHERE I'M IN LOVE WITH SFG!! CANNOT TAKE IT THE SONGS ARE PLAYING ON REPLAY OVER AND OVER!!! SHOULDN'T HAVE WATCHED ANGUS,THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING YESTERDAY-.- I super love the airplane song(not from the movie but from scouting for girls)!! I must say the beer belly of the main singer is not much of an attraction but the voice somehow, me like!! PEEEPS GO SEARCH OK!! Go Youtube search Scouting For Girls and listen to either the airplane song or she's so lovely. There's something about the lyrics that's nonsensical yet makes sense. am i making any sense?! Oh well.. who cares. ugh. i'm going to switch off this thing and attempt to pack a little now.bye bye love.

I'm meeting J on wednesdayyyyy!!! wheeeee!!! we've got so much to discuss seriously. I mean, when are we going your house for mahjong and when are we going to _______?? SO MANY THINGS SHEEESH. I feel like i haven't seen you in forever although i just met you last week:D

Tomorrow i'm going tanning at sentosa with classmates. I am still deciding if i'm going to wear a bikini. OMGEEEE. I hardly have the courage to wear it in front of a bunch of girls not to mention guys. I think i should bring earplugs i don't need them telling me how fat i am but i want to get a tan seriously.... Then hospitality club outing! Mr Kumar was nice enough to give us a free Preview tickets to (500) Days of Summer and i get to invite a friend too! What a nice lecturer right! hmm, he might be our tutor in second sem. i have a feeling that he will. i have no idea:P oh wells....

Clare, you better start losing weight!!! Then maybe you'll have a slight stroke of luck at love too? Hahahaha...doubt it...

Would you mind dating someone younger than you? Honestly i always thought my answer was YES! Then just now it hit me. I found him strangely attractive. Yet he's younger than me. greeeat. Ok *self-psychos* stop stop stop. You don't even remember his name. dang. i never end up thinking about the people i claim to be my type. Maybe i secretly refuse to admit that i've got this thing for cute guys. like, kid-boyish cute yet matured. ughhh.ok stop thinking about him!! oh sheeesh gayyy..After ranting on here i'll stop thinking about it.Genius. Get over it. Get over it!!!!
( the above may be slightly difficult to comprehend. yeah, i know. i don't really understand either. i'm just typing what my head's thinking..)

2009-09-15T19:10:00.002+08:00

WELCOME FABIAN! YOU ARE NOW UNDER MY LINKS! HAHA!!! SO RANDOM.BTW, YOU ARE CURRENTLY BEING STALKED ON YOUR BLOG BY....ME.QUICK GET SCARED:P
AYO, SEE.MG GIRLS SO SCARY:D

2009-09-14T16:46:00.002+08:00

Today i caught my first NC16 movie in the cinemas!! Weird enough, i caught it with my mom and we sort of chose the movie solely on its title having not a slight clue as to who was acting in it or the plot of the movie. Well, it was called Dance Flick so there's bound to be dancing right? I didn't, however, expect to be like the spartans. It was like, a combination of all the past famous films like hairspray, high school musical, twilight, mean girls put together into a parody of sorts... I didn't exactly find it worth watching but my mom got a laugh out of it...Well, the sad fact was while we were walking into the cinema i told her that i actually wanted to watch the Time Traveller's Wife and she was like,"AYA!! Should have told me..i wanted to watch that too!!" See, problem when you don't raise your views, you both end up catching a movie you didn't exactly want to watch...

The proposal is R21 ( whatever the 21 and above rating is called?!) and i'm just totally shocked since i watch the whole thing online already!! Please tell me it's not cause of the naked bodies smacking together part!! There was more sexual content in Dance Flick-.- Singapore has got something seriously wrong with their ratings!!

I'm still thinking if i should go on thursday..Honestly, who are we trying to kid right? There's obviously some tension there...ughh..see first...

2009-09-13T12:18:00.010+08:00

我愛你 by S.H.E

從你眼睛看著自己　最幸福的倒影
握在手心的默契　是明天的指引
無論是遠近　什麼世紀
在天堂擁抱　或荒野流離

我愛你我敢去　未知的任何命運
我愛你我願意　准你來跋扈地決定
世界邊境

偶爾我真的不懂你　又有誰真懂自己
往往兩個人多親密　是透過傷害來證明
像焦慮不安　我就任性
怕洩漏你怕　所以你生氣

我愛你讓我聽　你的疲憊和恐懼
我愛你我想親　你倔強到極限的心
我撐起所有愛　圍成風雨的禁地
擋狂風豪雨　想讓你喘口氣
被劃破的信心　需要時間痊癒
夢想纏著懷疑　未來看不清
就緊緊的擁抱　去傳遞能量和勇氣
我愛你

我愛你我想去　未知的任何命運
我愛你讓我聽　你的疲憊和恐懼
我愛你我想親　你倔強到極限的心
哪裡都一起去　一起仰望星星
一起走出森林　一起品嘗回憶
一起誤會妒忌　一起雨過天晴
一起更懂自己　一起找到意義
我愛你

我不要沒有你　我不能沒有你
絕不能沒有你

Shocked right? I just posted a whole chunk of chinese words. I obviously didn't type it(thankfully copied and pasted) . I suddenly felt like listening to a chinese song and i thought that S.H.E had a new album cause i remembered that i was glancing through some magazine and they had this music chart toppers thing and there was a S.H.E song so i went to youtube S.H.E. I ended up with this old song that had a special 13 minute full story thing. It's super touching!! I cried:[ you can watch it yourself just search S.H.E 我愛你 13 minute or something like that..

Pastor Kong was sharing about commitment and loyalty. It's something every relationship should have.Strongly demonstrated in this story, I totally admire that old man! I mean, he waited for her! awww... One day when my relationship gets tested, what will I do? I wonder....

2009-09-09T20:39:00.003+08:00

The pictures aren't really pretty..but oh well.. i need to use my dslr more..

Proudest food-playing creation so far. That's actually 2 hotcakes if you can't tell. and if you also can't tell, i formed "MG" with it. haha!! LP Couldn't tell it was a G.

I am currently beginning to play with photoscape. MUAHAHA..
Look forward so much to tomorrow! It's going to be such a great day! Meeting up with the triplets! And...secret person who's identity.. may or may not be revealed after tomorrow. OK LUH. most likely will be from pictures and stuff.. hahaha.... can't wait!

2009-09-09T00:26:00.002+08:00

Today. Mad things can. Let's see shall wee.. Met Lp and grace at Cityhall.Walked to singapore river.We decided that it was too overpriced to sit on a river cruise for $13 bucks so we went into the asian civilization museum instead! You only pay $2.50 for concession students!! ISN'T THAT GREAT? yup. came out.ate ice cream.Walked to Raffles Place Mrt where Lp parted. Grace and i headed down to Bugis to shop then to Plaza Sing. I would say that this week has been very eventful indeed.

AHHH!! My sister just came into my room with PURPLE HAIRRR..it's like..what suyi did. just that my sister has, like, PURPLE HAIR. ugh. it looks good on her.But everyone knows that i hate purple and think it's gay. no. maybe i don't really like it.don't know.

2009-09-07T20:16:00.002+08:00

Currently very very very upset. I got the bank statement thingy for my atm card. NOT GOOD. for the month of august, i spent 100 more than my monthly allowance!! Scary how i managed to achieve that. i'm looking at it with my mouth wide open asking myself,"Where'd it all gooo!!!!" Hope it's not on food.

Friday will be such an awesomeeee dearies outing dayy... seriously man. it's going to be awesome! Just the company's gonna be great. I attempted to make this blogskin using sharepoint just now. FAIL. or at least i think i failed o.o i can't figure it out!! UGHH..

TEEHEE:D mooncake festival thingy is coming. imagine lying on a grass patch under a starry night with such a big moon.eating mooncakes and drinking tea( probably from a flask?!). So romantic<3>.< When exactly is the mooncake festival man. Not like it'll ever happen.. everyone's too busy..

2009-09-05T11:12:00.003+08:00

I am so upset!!! I can't believe my mum wants me to go pray to my grandpa on saturday. At first i was ok with it. BUT.It just occured to me that it's shan's competition day!!! :( I want to be there for her when she competes and cheer her on!!!! *VERY DEEPLY DISTURBINGLY IRRITATED* this has totally ruined my mood. Because there's no such thing as a negotiation when this involves the entire family. DANG. why can't we go on sunday man...sucks.

Ok. I got a lot of songs stuck in my head and i have to confess. everyday when i wake up i sing," I kissed a girl and i liked it~ the taste of her cherry chapped skin.." I have no idea whyy.hahahah!!! I hope i'm not turning gayo.o

Ok. not good. i don't like hearing raised voices in the morning. Gotta go.

---------EDIT------------
Ok not that bad. at least it wasn't what i thought it was. i cannot stand people raising their voices at each other:[ It's like a sort of emotional barrier.There was this time when i started crying in my room...yeah.ok let's not go there shall we...

I feel like picking it up again. Maybe one day when i'm good enough, i'll tell the whole world about it.until then..secretly train?haha..but i really suck. Only a few people will know about it:] wanna make a guess? People who would know are stella,kas,joanne,melody! prob fran and the rest too o.o Ok that's like almost all of my close friends but i'm gonna keep mum anyways.HEHE:D

I MISS THEMS!! Finally september holidays are hereeeee!! Wheeeee!!So excited! Since JC students only get like, a week off.shooots luhh..Schedule for next week!!
Monday-Go out with Joanne
Tuesday-Out with grace
Wednesday- Joanne and (secret person) and Charmaine [TRIPLETS.FINALLY MAN.FINALLY]
Thursday-oh crap.who am i going out with on thursday..i forgot?! shit.better think hard.think hard man.
Friday- DEARIES!!♥ Kas,fran,stella,rachel,Tan MF!! ( stupid melody.go paris la.stupid melody) then after that i'm going to look for grace and cheryl?

OH CRAP.I can't believe i forgot what's on thursday.GG clare.GG!!!

Yesterday i went to east coast!! It's quite shiok to go at night actually.It's very peaceful and calm.Not alot of noise pollution..just.natureee. And no! At some parts you don't hear the waves crashing through one year and traffic through the other! It's just the waves crashing! And maybe the crickets or something..haha... I really want to try that with dearies one day.We just haven't had much time to talk with each other. And every precious few-hour long meeting just seems too fast. Although if we did go there, we'll be the ultimate disruption of peace:P and my legs didn't hurt walking from marine parade to east coast and back! WOAHHH.great achievement.hahaha:) talking crap. I blog like i'm talking to myself. No. I should say i practically type however the words are forming in my head.Does that make sense o.o Oh well. After yesterday i felt like i've gotten to know my friend slightly more.I guess. In fact, i'm quite surprised. Ok. this is too long and wordy and i shall stop cause i need to bathe.

TEXT,TEXT,TEXT...

2009-09-03T23:55:00.002+08:00

In the morning, while grace and i were in the mrt, we were texting each other when i said,"I've got something to confess later.." and grace sent back a text that said," What?You got a boyfriend?" followed by the next guess which was,"You lost your virginity?!" hahaha..epic grace.seriously man..At first i thought what i was going to confess was pretty major but it was really nothing compared to her wild guesses. The thing i wanted to say was that i was wearing the exact same thing i wore the day before to meet joanne.TEEHEE:D SEE? See the huge difference?It makes hearing about my clothes seem like nothing.

Throughout the whole time we spent( 3 hours?) in the hair salon, we did not utter a word to each other.Instead, grace insists that we should put our unlimited smses to good use.Thus we texted. And NO! It is not enjoyable texting when you have no glasses on and you can't move your head.I had to squint so many times.Geeez.Next time i'm going to wear contacts there...

Ok. I feel slightly glad that i walked alot today.Will continue to walk plenty plenty tomorrow! You know what?I'm secretly excited to go tomorrow because it just occured to me that i've hardly been to the beach at night.Hearing the crashing of the waves in peace(i think.then again,this is singapore.you probably hear the waves through one ear, traffic through the other:p)... Yup.tired.sheeesh.it's one week gone! So fast.Yet, i haven't adjusted back to holiday bodyclock..

2009-09-02T20:15:00.002+08:00

Just now joanne was telling me during lunch about XiaoGui acting in a mini-movie of sorts? ZOOOOM. First thing i did when i got home, streeeeam! I actually cried towards the last part
:p It's so saddening... According to joanne it's for some charity thing. If i didn't get it wrong it's to promote more on depression? For one, i didn't even know that such cases could lead to depression o.o makes me glad i had my brother.If not i would have probably gotten depression( come on, i was almost suicidal then..it probably was THAT bad..)or maybe i did get it? Don't know luhh...

I think i'm prettayeee lucky today@_@ While having desert( wahpiang eh.and i wanted to diet. i freaking went to eat mango ice..) Toni & Guy called up to ask if i was free for a trim tomorrow.They're in need of a student model it's free( When i told someone about this, that person heard 'model' he laughed.I'll get you one dayyy.. You read my blog right! STALKER!)

Oh wells...So tomorrow's plan would be to cut hair at 10a.m.( NO.I've been sleeping so early nowadays it's impossible to be late. that's unless if i manage to change my bodyclock today or something.i've been sleeping way to early seriously..)

One thing i've learned from the entertainment industry( as in, observing.not being in it.duh), good looks come and go.You have to have the looks, but you must also be hardworking.Cause once you take a break, someone else would come into your place and take over your fame.and your fans.By then, you can just wave goodbye to your career.

2009-09-02T10:34:00.002+08:00

Yesterday i told myself i'll change. Today i realised that i just want to be the old me again. The one that would never give up no matter what. What am i talking about right? I have NO IDEAAAAA...:D:D:D:D Going nuts.haha... I'm suppose to meet joanne for lunch at 1.30p.m. I decided that i'll leave my house at 12.30p.m. Just so that i could take a slow walk to the mrt station instead of taking the bus.Seriously i'm growing awfully fat and i woke up with this pimple outbreak? LIKE EWWWW..I've got 2 pimple on each cheek. I look like some kid who just started puberty. Isn't this suppose to happen only in secondary school or something!It's like when everyone else's face is clearing up mine's detoriating.Gross.Gross.Gross.....

I can't wait to get out there and just talk alot alot of crap!Busy friends!! Leave a day for me during september holidays!! Sigh* Why must i be the only one in poly huhh..makes me sound so free while everyone's cramming knowledge for Promos.Except my husband who's freaking in paris.

I want to post up pictureeeeees!!! I want my laptop back.i want to get my dark blueee nail polish from face shop.everyone says it doesn't match me but i think it's cool. apparently no nail polish matches me:P me tomboyish anyways but painting nails are fun!!o.o except that i'm a right hander so generally one hand looks better than the other but oh well...

OK.Bye.I want to go find things to do with my life.must live everyday slightly productively.yup.

Since when...

2009-09-01T20:09:00.003+08:00

Ok this is very bad cause when you're bored at home you are given time to ponder. and when you are not pondering about the wrong things.. it gets you depressed.Such examples are," Why am i such a failure?Since when did i tell myself that everything was okay? Since when did i lose my competitive spirit?Since when did you start distancing from me?Since when did i start having pimple breakouts so often!! Since when did fear become such an obstacle in my life?"

After asking myself all this since whens.. it just boils down to the fact that it's the holidays and instead of being able to see my friends more, i'm not. i thought i got used to poly. Because even if i didn't get to see my MG friends, i'll still get to see my clique in school. Now, i'm stuck at home.wondering all over again.Did i just spend my last semester doing badly? Did i just regret wasting my whole semester away forgetting how important my marks are? I did it again, didn't i? And what beats the crap out of me is, I know i could do well.If only.. i tried to.

Today. Today i'm going to pray for a new beginning. Tomorrow i'm going to wake up to a new me. The me that will start her diet plan.The me that will pick up a new language.The me that will clear up her room. Because when you fall and you injure yourself, you either bandage your wound and get up. Or cry and continue to bleed. And after being covered with cuts and wounds, you might just die.Die from losing too much blood.Or an infection. Until then, it'll be too late.It's my new way of thinking life. It's a battlefield.

2009-08-24T16:16:00.002+08:00

I don't know what's wrong. i can't think straight. I am going to fail my stats. i just blanked out during the exam and i just couldn't think! FREAKING HELL. i feel like crying now:( I don't want to see ntuc lady for another semester. I don't want to study in poly anymore. I want to run. i just want to throw everything away and run. Because there's no one there where i can tell everything to. Or just there to just sit with me in silence. I'll just have to rely on God... All that guilt that i WILL fail stats and MIGHT fail POM. It's in me. And i know i lied about it. That's the only thing i'm good at. Since young.I was always good at lying about my results.

Why? Because if i told my mom i screwed up my paper i'll get grounded. There's no such thing as finding solace from there. Whatsoever. And you know what? I don't need to also get shit from my family that i've got a boyfriend.Yeah. Keep guessing. You know why? Because in my household, they make more rules than the government. Because it's all man for himself. And can you blame me for not telling you guys anything? Think about it this way. I feel like my family's more judgemental than anyone else. And you know what's so contradictory?That's exactly the type of person I NEVER WANT TO BE.

And you know what? That's why everyone in my family has their own secrets, it's worse than government politics. Because if i said i had a boyfriend, i'll get 100 reasons why i should not be in a relationship crash course right in my face by everyone. AND FYI,I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS A FREAKING EXAMPLE. I don't know how they're stalking me. I just want my peace.I've got enough troubles as it is.

I'm going to study for microe. NOW. Because i am so upset that i might actually get like, fail for everything. and have to retake everything.

let go of me. please.i really don't need this now.not now please.

2009-08-23T11:49:00.001+08:00

Ok. I need to figure out how to make the other blog private. or if it's even possible. My new blog's from onsugar.com.hahhaha.. the address is very lame. SERIOUSLY LAME. oh wells....

2009-08-19T15:35:00.001+08:00

I LOVE YOU.

2009-08-14T17:02:00.002+08:00

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

Renee got me addicted to this song. It's come what may by Ewan Mcgregor. Recently many people's been reminding me about relationship statuses. With the mixed comments of how being single is good or bad, I'm surprised that what my head's telling me is,"Don't care about it for now. You are happy as you are." or maybe it's really God speaking to me. Cause the truth is, i know i'm a person who constantly is being wondering how it feels like to be treated oh so specially. Or maybe i am happy at my current situation. I don't know.Now the important thing is work. study.study.study.

SO I AM LEAVING. BYEBYE INTERNET. UNTIL MY EXAMS ARE OVER, I AM NOT COMING ONLINE.

2009-08-12T02:53:00.003+08:00

I lie awake at night
See things in black and white
I got only you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind

What will i do without music? I think life will get a lot less interesting. Cause there wouldn't be a beat to follow. Or a tune that can get stuck to your head. or something you simply would want to hum to. I love music:]

Today i went to ion orchard. i felt like i got lost there. and i'm not done exploring there. but i know one thing. THEY HAVE MUJI~! QUICK EVERYBODY GET UP ON YOUR FEET AND DO THE KALLANG WAVEEE~~ WHOOOO!! Didn't have my favourite pink colour pen there though:( ME WANTS IT. and that lovely notebook in baby blue. but what i REALLY NEED is an alarm clock that rings super loud. Then maybe my phone will stop cocking up whenever the alarm goes off and i won't be late for school. What a worthy investment. Ok clare. You begin saving up! now!!

Video called Jo yesterday afternoon. HEEHEEE. Her classmate with the Curly[grape inspired?!] hairdo. His name is YiChun aka Yishun right?hehehe. Funny. He seriously looked like he walked out of a comedy show and i am NOT jealous ok! You'll never catch me dawning such an...umm..awkward hairstyle? Don't know how to describe it. I miss joanne! Why does it feel like it's been forever since i last met you? and Grace too!!! awwww:[

2009-08-09T14:29:00.001+08:00

How are you guys? I miss you guys so much!And it just occured to me that your birthdays are coming. Doubt we'll be meeting though. Miss you guys loads!!:)

I got punk'd

2009-08-07T06:26:00.003+08:00

YESTERAY. I got Punk'd big time. stooopid Shaun. A few of my poly classmates decided to pon the Accounting for Assets lecture cause they wanted to practise their speech for their presentation. Suddenly in a very noisy setting of people talking( I don't know why, i just remember Shan singing some song in a high-pitched voice. I think it was the national anthem?!) away, i received this call from some handphone number. Well, when i picked it up the person at the other end of the line said," Hello? May i speak to Clarissa? I am calling from NYP." I tell you, the reception was so bad i listen until super pek chek( sorry if i flared up at you guys, Shan and Val.).So Pek chek until i said the F word and walked out of the lecture hall. Anyway that person claimed that my MC wasn't hand in yet. Who wouldn't panick luh! 5-day MC ok! If it's gone i'll be screwed! Like, what if i get debarrment righttt...?

Anyways, when i called back, after saying some things( cannot bother to repeat it here) he hung up and there was this ROAR of laughter that erupted from the 1st floor. Then i started to realise that the person sounded like Shaun Lim Chi Tuck. I don't even know how to explain how i felt after that. It was like, slightly relieved, practically had a face that looked like this-> "-.-" wanted to laugh. Don't know luh.

2009-08-05T22:30:00.002+08:00

He made my day today! It's nice to know that someone remembers you and shows their concern for you:] It made me smile all the way home.hah...

Ok. Let's keep the fire going. Time to go do speech.BAII..

Friday is coming. Dearies we're gonna meet again. Missed you guys so much!♥

2009-08-04T11:29:00.005+08:00

As we go on we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

It's never good when i think about this song. It means that i'm overly missing my friends. And hating my current life. It's draining me and making me hate myself for being so useless.

I'm really very tired already. I'm just not good with projects. Have never been.Hopefully it'll not turn into " never will be good at projects".

Today i started to hate you.Later i'm gonna pray. And hope that i stop hating you.
back to work.

2009-08-03T16:59:00.007+08:00

TEMPTATIONS. ARGHHH!! Annoyed* I feel so upset that jasmine like, totally made ai xin zao can for everyone in the clique except for me! Haha.. she knew that i was fasting luhh.. but yeah, temptations are everywhere. indeed, when you fast, you are more sensitive and somehow, it seems like God would give you more revelations. BUT. ugh. perservere. pray. 2/7 days only luhh!! i must press on man! press on!!

I've noticed this ongoing trend that my times spent in computer software is used for me to update my blog.. or my only times to? who actually still reads my blog man. so dead i feel like closing it down.

2009-08-03T16:59:00.006+08:00

DOESN'T IT LOOK YUMMYYYY!!! Rainbowwwww..... I saw this picture on charmaine tay's facebook. LOVES IT. It brightened up my day so so much, i decided to make it!!
Will tell you if i succeed! Most probably won't be giving everyone a cake each. HELLO?! Obviously not.we're talking about a cake here. siao liao... but there's this alternative...they call it... the...CUPCAKES!!!!!!:D PSSSST. IF I LOVE YOU,YOU MIGHT GET ONE.hahahaha...that's if i ever go about making one o.o

HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU?

2009-08-03T16:59:00.005+08:00

I think he hates me. That look that he gave me. Oh well... I don't really care about what he thinks.

I swear i need to buck up. NOW. Cause i feel a sense of urgency for practically everything as long as it wasn't academic. I hate myself:[

Can someone just like, randomly nudge me on msn to ask me to study if i'm online or something...?

My MicroE tutor has swine flu! Won't be giving us lessons for 2 weeks which is super bad because we are sort of going to start to start exams soon?! Funny how he was the only tutor who would be so anxious about swine and always checking our temperature stickers..

I was walking home and i suddenly thought of yorkying. I miss you so much! I felt like writing you a letter when i got home. But sadly i didn't cause well, i'm not very free. Promise you'll ask me out! Don't always say i'm the one not asking you out can! Tsk!

People i also miss include Joanne and Charmaine.. Joanneee why does it feel like it's been forever! I think we've been too busy with our own friends and own work:[ Did you realise that we didn't take a picture during Founder's Day!! Sheesh. So sad luhh...And Char let's have baking session at your place during september holidays!!

Dang, why are the JC people only having 1-week breaks! Why are most of my friends in JC!! I think i'll practically be out almost everyday for that week. And have nothing to do for the 5 weeks after:D Nevermind i've got this talent of self-entertaining:]

Really touched by what Val said today. She said she missed me!!!! Heeee:] It did seem like it's been forever since we last saw each other. Considering the fact that i've been sick for 1 week... I'm BACK. like, back healthy enough to talk to everyone without looking as pale as a white sheet of paper:)

Touch my hand. Touch my heart.

2009-08-02T22:11:00.004+08:00

Pfffft. Sorry Jaden. I couldn't help it. Anyways, this is Jaden's supposedly 'serious' look. I don't even know how to describe this face.

Today was City Harvest Church's 20th aniversary celebration! Well, i woke up at 5.18a.m.( YEAH. A.M) Well I left my house at 6a.m. Ended up cabbing down. It was so crowded. It's craziness!! We arrived at 6.40a.m. and we were super far back already. Well the whole thing was great! 1st service started at 9a.m. and 2nd service ended at 3p.m.!

Went Bugis with Cheryl after that to meet Jaden. Stoooopid. We were looking everywhere for a toilet. I super hate the fact that the toilet beside the ATMs are always full. They need to expand that toilet! Yeah so we walked all the way to the other end to pee. Then walked all the way back to withdraw money from the ATM machines. Went to eat Pastamania. Ok blah blah. the rest is boring... Pictures! A few only. the rest will go up on facebook soon?

Henry,Cheryl,Nelson and I

Oh great. too dark. Well this is suppose to be Ting Ting, Cate,Me

Shandi, Jiexi,Weiqi,Me

Carita and I:]

I'm on a secret mission. And i think it's something that God really wants me to do:]

JAW DROPPING FACTS.

2009-08-01T17:07:00.003+08:00

Changed my blogskin! Finally! I think i've actually come across this blogskin before! Don't know why i didn't put it. But it's up now! Just now i was randomly scribbling on this piece of paper( is it normal for people to do that? I like to do that sometimes) and then suddenly i wrote i love macdonalds. and then. BOOM! I got flashbacks about what Jaden was telling me about their ice cream having seaweed essence( i mean, wth is that right?!) and their fries containing beef. I literally felt like i was about to puke out my ice lemon tea. Ok my stomach still feels a little... not right now. Thank you to JT? Maybe now i won't eat as much Macs and can get on with losing weight.

Music Forest called up yesterday. They were calling back students from the Hotshot mv dance lesson to ask them if they wanted to learn Sun Ho's China Wine dance. Honestly when i heard Sun Ho i was like,"ooooh..." then i went on youtube to watch the video and it became "uhhhh...." HAHA. Let's get a bunch of girls who learnt boyish hiphop dance to learn something sexy! Uhhh..Nono.. Not like i will do great in either. I dance like a stickman.hahaha..

I need to read more. I feel like i'm getting more and more stupid from not reading.Absorb yourself into a book soon Clare. You need some knowledge.

For now, stop procrastinating and do your research for your project! Get off facebook! Sheeesh.

________EDIT_________
I honestly need to buck up and stop procrastinating and start studying. what's wrong with me honestly!

Disgusted

2009-07-31T12:44:00.002+08:00

I HAVE BEEN DISGUSTED BY THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TWO-FACED ALL MY LIFE. IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO SHOW YOU RESPECT BUT I CAN'T CONVINCE MYSELF. CAUSE I'M JUST SO UTTERLY DISGUSTED. I AM OFFICIALLY SHUTTING MY EARS OFF WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING RANDOM.NOT LIKE YOU EVERRR LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ANYWAY.ALTHOUGH YOU MAKE ME TELL YOU YOU SHUT YOUR EARS OFF. I'VE KNOWN IT SINCE I WAS 8. AND THAT'S NOT GOOD.CAUSE IT MEANS I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TRUST YOU SINCE I WAS 8.

GOD, I HATE MYSELF FOR SAYING THIS BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IT'S EASIER TO LOVE A STRANGER, THAN YOUR OWN FAMILY. BECAUSE MY FAMILY MAKES LOVING EACH OTHER SOUND LIKE ROCKET SCIENCE. WHEN THE TRUTH IS, IF THEY KNEW LOVE, IT'S REALLY JUST SIMPLE.

SO ANNOYED.

2009-07-31T10:36:00.002+08:00

I am being totally annoyed with my oh so screwed up blog skin. It is not nice to have 2 playlists!! not cool! Currently going crazy over songs from 200 pounds beauty. After watching the movie again i feel slightly inspired to continue losing weight but then again, who am i to say that considering that i just ate 2 hot dogs for breakfast!! So much for being inspired:P

I feel troubled. Those thoughts are coming back to my head again. I want to go back into my bubble.. float away and leave those memories behind...can i?