Monday, August 24, 2009


Dear Andy,

I don't know what's wrong. i can't think straight. I am going to fail my stats. i just blanked out during the exam and i just couldn't think! FREAKING HELL. i feel like crying now:( I don't want to see ntuc lady for another semester. I don't want to study in poly anymore. I want to run. i just want to throw everything away and run. Because there's no one there where i can tell everything to. Or just there to just sit with me in silence. I'll just have to rely on God... All that guilt that i WILL fail stats and MIGHT fail POM. It's in me. And i know i lied about it. That's the only thing i'm good at. Since young.I was always good at lying about my results.

Why? Because if i told my mom i screwed up my paper i'll get grounded. There's no such thing as finding solace from there. Whatsoever. And you know what? I don't need to also get shit from my family that i've got a boyfriend.Yeah. Keep guessing. You know why? Because in my household, they make more rules than the government. Because it's all man for himself. And can you blame me for not telling you guys anything? Think about it this way. I feel like my family's more judgemental than anyone else. And you know what's so contradictory?That's exactly the type of person I NEVER WANT TO BE.

And you know what? That's why everyone in my family has their own secrets, it's worse than government politics. Because if i said i had a boyfriend, i'll get 100 reasons why i should not be in a relationship crash course right in my face by everyone. AND FYI,I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS A FREAKING EXAMPLE. I don't know how they're stalking me. I just want my peace.I've got enough troubles as it is.

I'm going to study for microe. NOW. Because i am so upset that i might actually get like, fail for everything. and have to retake everything.

let go of me. please.i really don't need this now.not now please.

tre arty
@ 4:16 PM|